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January 23, 2006

Purgatory of the Adopted

I wonder if there was a pamphlet during the late 50's and early 60's for couples unable to conceive, convincing them of the Wonderful World of Adoption?

Things are so much better now. But back then, in my imagination the pamphlet would have read:

"GO Ahead! You know you want to! Go buy that beautiful little blue eyed blond haired baby. Pretend you gave birth to her. Pretend she didn't have a name before the one you gave her or parents before you. As she grows, remind her and everyone around you, how wonderful you are. After all, you took her out of the goodness of your heart, and saved her from certain peril. The pay off will be when you're 74. She will be obliged to you for all you've done. She will sit in all of the hospital waiting rooms and emergency rooms you care to drag her to, wrestling with ambivalence.

I write this only partially tongue in cheek. This week finds me accompanying my mother to various doctor's offices. Wednesday there will be yet another stress test and maybe on to a larger medical facility 2 hours away, for another heart surgery.

I used to have the Curlypurl mindset of "Head Up, Shoulders Back, Tits to the Wind". Lately though, this person who "played Mommy" all those years has been trying to be kind. She's softening and looking rather frail. Therein lies the Ambivalent Purgatory of the Adopted. All the old feelings get stirred up with budding new ones. And just in time for what?

So I'll spend this week knitting away on Cheesy Puffs, drinking really bad coffee and trying to sort through it all.

Posted by Angi at 12:18 PM | Comments (3)

January 13, 2006

It's a Girl!!!!

Here is an ultrasound picture, taken on the day Justin and Sarah found out they are having a beautiful baby girl!
thumb (2).jpgShe is due April 23. I was happy to see her sucking her thumb. It means she already has a strong sucking instinct. Feeding should be a breeze.

I have neglected my blog because, with the above exception, the only things I could think of to write were filled with horrible pain and saddness. The baby is perfect in every way. Justin and Sarah are as crazy about each other as ever. But the vehement storm from hell I wrote about previously, is still being unleashed on them.

I wish I had had a camera available to record the love on the faces of her parents, at the wonderful news of our Granddaughter's gender. When they came to tell Benny and me, love radiated about them. It is beyond our comprehension why anyone would want to interfere with a blessing and gift so pure as this.

In other news, I've become enamored with Elizabeth Zimmerman's Baby Surprise Jacket. One of our guild members was knitting one at our holiday party. She has graciously been answering my questions ever since. It knits up to look like nothing at all.
But with just a quick fold you have a lovely little Granddaughter sweater!
Tomorrow I'll weave in the ends and find the perfect little buttons.

It seems that every January I get in a weaving mood. I see my weaving friends have been weaving this month. I'm spinning silk for a warp for the dedication blanket. The weft is 1 ply silk, 1 ply cashmere and has been spun.

Posted by Angi at 09:27 PM | Comments (7)